Archive for the ‘Miscellaneous’ Category

Wooing a Style-Bar!

Posted: 17/09/2014 in Miscellaneous

Any budding DJ will find themselves there. Playing in some stylish bar, everyone sitting down, eclectic tat everywhere and ever-so-imported booze on tap.

You have control of the music and everyone is going to know how cultured, diverse, cool and my god, obscure your music tastes are. But, they also must enjoy it. That is what your free beer is for.

If you are new to this game, here are some pro tips for a setlist. It’s all surprisingly formulaic but they love it:

B52’s ‘Rock Lobster’ or ‘Planet Claire’.

Some country that isn’t Cash or Parton. ‘King of the Road’ or ‘Sixteen Tonnes’ should do it.

Some sixties French thing.

Some respectable but not too heavy techno. Lauren Garnier ‘Sound of The Big Baboo’ or The Youngsters ‘Slow’ were good but I used to play them ten years ago so what do I know? Maybe the brighter parts of James Holden or The Field.

A house ‘classic’. Now that Frankie Knuckles is dead he’s the greatest DJ ever!

The Normal – ‘Warm Leatherette’ or for bonus points Throbbing Gristle – ‘Hot on the Heels of Love’ – find the remastered version = bass

Something off DFA that isn’t LCD or The Rapture but leave a sufficient gap before you play ESG.

A moog cover of some classical. Isao Tomita is good.

Mudhoney – ‘Touch Me I’m Sick’. If that works Daisy Chainsaw – ‘Love Your Money’. If not Sonic Youth – ‘Death Valley 69’. If the nineties thing is going really well Whale – ‘Hobo Humpin’ Slobo Babe’.

Some Lee Perry. Doesn’t matter what. If that works too well you might be in the wrong bar. Play some King Midas Sound. That will sate them until you can leave. You can then play The Bug then God. Better to burn out than fade away.

Cocteau Twins.

Something off Bowie’s Lodger for the “is that Bowie? I don’t know this” effect.

Devo. Try not to play ‘Whip It’ or ‘Satisfaction’. Gauge the crowd.

A sixties/seventies UK TV theme. ‘This is Your Life’ or ‘The Prisoner’. Any Ron Grainer really. If that works play an album track from a sixties John Barry Bond score.

Revolting Cocks ‘Do Ya Think I’m Sexy’.

Charles Manson ‘Look At Your game Girl’. No one will know and it’s actually quite a pretty song. Dangerous!

Blues is a funny one cause it is the ultimate dad music. If you feel you can get away with it Mississippi John Hurt ‘You Gotta Die’. Make sure to mouth “you gotta die” along to show your utter contempt for your audience.

Something off the Fire Walk With Me soundtrack. Be wary though. Some of it is on the high-drama side.

Old Skool jungle – all sounds the same.

Something off The Avalanches record that isn’t ‘Frontier Psychiatrist’ or the less noisy stuff off L. Pierre – The Islands Come True

Early eighties John Carpenter.

Something off the A side of the first Suicide.

Something krauty. Be as obvious as you want.

Some soul to prove you know proper pop or a Phil Spector girl group.

Some rare groove.

You are going to have to play some hip-hop. Old school is too obvious but you don’t want to stink up the place with some misogynist crap either. De La Soul or The Roots are good, or if you want a laugh, MC Hawking.

Nineties chart dance is repectable now and there’s loads of great stuff. Back load your set with ‘Better Off Alone’ and later ‘I Like to Move It’ for when everyone is wasted.

You want some cool indie tunes in there. The Duke Spirit – Northbound, Brainiac – Hot Seat Can’t Sit Down, Softboiled Eggies – Cold Finger, Tall Ships T=0.

Jazz. Miles Davis never fails. You can’t play Albert Ayler in a hip bar. Nothing too obvious. Fade in something from the Bitches Brew boxset for five minutes.


Punk is a funny one. Best stick to covers of famous songs. Snuff’s cover of ‘Wannabe’ is pretty funny. It’s only about 30 seconds too.

Get some EBM on. Nitzer Ebb or Front 242. Might want to go for something without vocals. Most people don’t goth.

If you absolutely have to play some RnB, The Weeknd – ‘House of Balloons’. You can cut off Glass Table Girls if you want. It does have that bassline though.

No Aphex, Hall & Oates, Oneohtrix, Chic or The Knife. Have some dignity